Oh, Canada!
Oh, Canada…The Country Right Above My Home And Fatherland
The first mistake an American traveling to Canada makes is to assume that Canada is pretty much exactly like the United States except a little colder. It isn’t. It is a mysterious place. It is a place where an American (United States citizen) can move freely without much trouble, but realize that those Canadians who are being so nice know who you are. They know how you spell favorite and honor. They know you eat your french fries without gravy and cheese. They know you probably have a gun hiding in your shoe. They know you don’t know the difference between a blue line and a red line. And they know you are a visitor because you yell at people letting cars merge at the border crossing.
Some Canadian flags: (left to right) Canadian, BC?, I have no idea, and Whistler’s own flag. The skies in Canada always look like this.
Canadians have a reputation for being polite, friendly, and polite, and they are, but Canadians are also sneaky. They are one of the only nations to attack the United States on our soil. They think their national anthem is better than ours (and they might be right). They have a television show that plays 24/7 where they hide a camera and play cruel jokes on people and nobody ever gets mad. They continue to sneak actors, musicians, and comedians across the border without us figuring it out until it is too late.
I have returned from Canada and have put together an extensive guide for Americans visiting Canada. I will be covering everything from Canadian radio to driving in Canada. This guide will probably become the most important reference since Wikipedia was invented, so hold on to your touk (according to an actual Canadian, this is spelled toque) and get ready for some serious learning in the next few weeks.
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Published by South of the Strait
Why is my page titled South of the Strait? Well I live in a far corner of the United States. I live in a small town south of the Strait of Juan de Fuca. If I was going to throw a rock across the strait it would land in Canada. I used to be an English teacher. I have worked in Westport, Port Angeles, and Sequim, Washington... and I did two years of substitute teaching in Coalinga, California.
I've moved around a lot, living in: Sterling,Kansas; Chicago; Jordan, Montana; Lemoore, California; Auckland, New Zealand; Spokane, Washington; Gambier, Ohio.
What do I write? For WordPress I used to print once a week for general comments. I wrote reviews of music concerts my daughter made me attend. (Each month she would want us to drive to Seattle to see a music group. I usually stood in the back watching weird stuff.) I also wrote about trips I have taken in Europe where I liked getting lost. I also wrote during the few months when my son was treated for cancer. (He is officially free of cancer of five years.) About three years ago I decided to stop writing blogs so I could concentrate on writing a few books. I have completed three books...or maybe four. I have now compiled my short stories poems and memoirs on Amazon. You can get it at Amazon now..."A Work In Progress"--Jon Eekhoff. I have been very close to getting a printed book called "Lost Summer" but I was never offered $1,000,000.00. (It's set in Paris, 1920's, with baseball, writers, artist, and actually true stuff.) I wrote a book about college basketball called "Laidlaw." It's kind of a mix of "Moby Dick" and a coach who is about to get fired so he takes his team out for a free drive around the West. My most recent book is "California Tales." These are connected stories about the missionary churches in California. They are sad, funny, inspiring, and odd. I had the entire book done in my head and had just one section to finish the next day...and that is when I fell 20 feet from my roof and landed on the cement. (Like a lot of men, I thought I could maintain my own roof instead of leaving it to the professionals.) I don't remember anything about my accident but I am told I was flown to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle. Though conscious and responsive after surgery to remove part of my skull, I don't remember anything from my first month there. I spent another month of Harborview working on walking, speaking, and writing. That was two years ago. As a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) survivor, I could have quit writing, but I am not going to quit. I work with the University of Washington Speech and Hearing Clinic.
So, here I am. I am married and live here in Sequim with my wife Cheryl. Our kids live in nearby cities. Writing is now an exhausting exercise, but something I plan to keep working on.
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South of the Strait 
One of my favorite parts in the movie My Life in Ruins is when a tour guide mislabels his group. You can see the shock and indignation as they exclaim, “Did you just call us Americans?!!” Makes me laugh every time.
I have not seen My Life in Ruins…looks like I have something to do this week. Yeah, I think Canadians don’t like to be called Americans, but we don’t mind so much.
I wasn’t prepared to hold onto my touk or anyone else’s until I looked up the meaning.
Okay, I’m ready now.
This should be a great learning experience for all of us.
Oh boy. I can hardly wait for this. Also, there are many spellings of toque, but sadly you haven’t gotten one of them.
I don’t know if I can trust a Canadian when it comes to spelling. I did look it up on the Urban Dictionary (they never get anything wrong) but I will take your word for it and change the spelling to that Frenchy spelling.
On my honour, neighbour. You can trust me. It’s 30°C out there, why are you talking aboot toques anyway, eh?
I’ll trust you this time.
I would even pay a few quid and loonies for such a guide
I would even pay a few quid and loonies for such a guide
Send your cash donations to: The Human Fund, c/o Jon Eekhoff.
I love Canada, but my travels would be so much easier if William Henry Harrison had kept his army in that little dangling piece of Southern Ontario (between MI and NY) in 1813. That is to say: border crossings suck.
You would think they could hurry things along when I am waiting in line to get across. Maybe it is time to invade the bits of Canada we like; there are only about 10 people in the whole Canadian Army we could be running the whole place in about five hours.
Great, I think it’s important to have a travel guide with you, especially when you travel to dangerous, developing countries. You’re doing humanity a great service…
I figure I am up for some Nobel Prize. I could use a trip to Oslo.