15 Quick Notes For the Next Election

1. Remember to buy more batteries.

2. Move to Ohio or a state where my presidential vote counts. The problem is that most swing states are not inhabitable.

3. Get rid of any phones I have. Buy long-range walkie-talkies to talk to my family if needed.

4. Find a television that turns the channel when a political ad comes on.

5. From September to November, 2016, live in another country.

6. Eat more veggies.

7. Go to the doctor at least once in that time period.

8. Build a fall-out shelter for approaching zombie apocalypse.

9. Read Ulysses.

10. Say that you read Ulysses.

11. Learn the names of stars and constellations.

12. Download an app that will tell me the names of the stars and constellations.

13. Build an Ark instead of a fall-out shelter: Maybe a fall-out shelter that floats.

14. Get in tip-top physical condition.

15. Join the Illuminate so my vote really counts.

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